There Are No “Dead Beat Dads”

Fathers are often overlooked, underplayed, and made to look ridiculous in the public eye.  Television and film are at an all-time high at belittling manhood within the family.  Unfortunately in today’s society, many men have lived up to that reputation.  You’ve heard the expression “dead beat dad”.  It’s thrown around so easily.  I suppose I could throw that around, but why would I?  He’s the father of my children and to give them the impression he is less than the best would do them a disservice.  I, in fact, have walked that path before and chose to turn around.

In the Bible, God says fathers are the head of the home.  They are leaders and are empowered to do so.  Like all of us in some facet, I’m sure most fathers at one point or another question whether they’re capable.  Some may even convince themselves they aren’t and they may walk away.  They may even walk so far away they never or rarely come to see their children.  As a mother, I can’t imagine that.  I can’t imagine walking away and not looking back.  But unlike a father, I carried my children and they were formed within me.  They will forever be a part of me in a way their father could never fully understand.

In today’s society with divorce at such a high level, it’s easy to equate fatherhood with the amount of money they pay or the time they spend with the kids.  But that is not what fatherhood is.  From the moment your child is conceived, he is their father.  And every word you speak about him, shapes the kind of father he will be…and how your children perceive him.  There are no “dead beat dads”.  There are simply fathers…some walking more difficult journeys than others.  It’s easy to label people’s failures, but don’t be too quick to forget your own.  I say this from experience, not from having completely achieved it.

Regardless of the kind of man a father is, I believe we should respect his position, just as we should the president, whether we agree with him or not.  He is your leader.  The position may have been abused or neglected or he may have even failed at his job completely…but still, he is the father and no matter what the circumstances, we should respect that position.  I say this carefully because I’m sure there are exceptions, but somewhere deep inside me, I can’t help but think there are no exceptions.  A father is a father, no matter what…just as a mother is a mother and nothing can change that; not time, distance, or circumstance.

I am divorced because I failed.  I failed to believe the best in my husband.  I failed to support him when he was struggling.  Often, I failed to even realize how much he was struggling.  Did he fail me?  Absolutely.  But in the end, it matters not.  What matters is that we each take responsibility for our own failures and actions.  And in my lifetime, I have failed more times than I can count.  Who am I to throw the first stone?

No matter what circumstances may portray, I know a father loves his children.  Not all fathers know how to love, how to give, or how to be selfless.  Nor do all mothers.  All of us are human and when we are given children, we are given a precious gift.  Everything in life is replaceable…except family.  So when I think of a Father that would allow His Son to die for me when I am so undeserving, I understand just how much that Father loves me.  He loves you, too.  So much so, that if you were the only one on earth, He still would have sacrificed His Son for you so that you could live.  Could you do the same for someone?

This Father’s Day, I reach out to all of you so-called “dead beat dads” and I tell you that you are valuable.  You are loved by your Father.  And whether you realize it or not, your life matters.  Yes, it matters to God, but it matters to your children.  Everything you are (and everything you are daily becoming) is influencing who they will become, what they will accomplish, and whose lives they will affect.  I challenge you to be the man God created you to be.

Whether you’re with your kids daily or haven’t seen them for years, reach out to them today and tell them you love them.  Then show them by being the leader you were created to be.  I believe in you.  And whether your children show it or not, they’re rooting for you.  They need your guidance and love.  Take a step today to give it to them.  Commit to it till the day you die.  Leave a legacy worth talking about.